The Phone Call Every Parent Dreads

Today started out nicely.  I received not one BUT TWO very happy letters from Spencer.  The envelopes were still all hosed up, but the letters were happy and said he was having fun---made my heart feel good!

Then I got a call from a camp counselor.  Spencer was throwing up and had severe ear pain. He either had an ear infection, something in the ear or swimmer's ear.  They recommended I come get him (the camp is only 30 minutes away) and take him to the pediatrician for evaluation and then bring him back to camp assuming he only needed an antibiotic.

So I got coverage for my meetings and headed out.  About a mile or so from the house...I got the dreaded phone call.
Spencer had gotten severely sick, near passing out, dizzy, lost feeling in his extremities, blurred vision and the camp director said he LOOKED "very wrong"- so she had to call emergency services. The Fire Chief had just gotten there and an ambulance was 3 minutes out.
Then she said she would call me back when she knew more.
So I drove.    FAST.    And cried.     And called my mom.     And cried some more.
And made my poor 4 cylinder Honda CR-V whine and shake at 90 mph.  And I thought-- we have two freakin muscle cars at home -- I am pretty sure the 69 Mach I (with a big ass 351 Windsor V8) would have no problems passing this stupid Mountain Dew truck on a double yellow line....but oh yeah, it doesn't have AC. Never mind.
I whipped my little (non muscle car) Honda into Quaker Lake Camp in record time pretty much on two wheels Dukes of Hazzard style and fish tailed through the driveway landing in the parking lot in a cloud of dust and gravel like Dale Jr. on meth.
I ran (or my version of running. shut up.) to the infirmary just as the EMT team were finishing their work up on Spencer.  They suggested that either I take him to the doctor or transport him to the hospital.  I called his pediatrician and they said they would be ready for him so I chose to take him on.  They had gotten some fluids in him and he was talking but was still having cramping, headache, nausea, etc.
As I signed the release and was getting him ready to go, my brother and my mom came barreling up in mom's Honda Pilot...in their own version of a redneck gravel cloud.
Jimmy got Spencer in Mom's car with me--and then he drove my car back home and Mom took me and Spence to the pediatrician's office. Spencer was evaluated and it was a classic case of heat exhaustion and dehydration but it was magnified with swimmer's ear AND an ear infection.  That's a recipe for a biological implosion in a 78 pound 10 year old.
Fluids, a big shot to the thigh and SEVERAL prescriptions later, Spencer came home, rested up for a few hours and as soon as he re-hydrated and the meds kicked in, he was BEGGING to return to camp.
So... we took him back to camp. The director will keep him on modified activity and lots of fluids with his new meds.
I will keep myself on some Xanax tonight.  It was a day I hope I never have to relive--but I am VERY thankful it wasn't anything worse and I am so glad Spencer was able to bounce back to quickly!

Second Verse..Same as the First

I got another letter from Camp today.  The good news is that Spencer AT LEAST signed this one.  The bad news is that "envelope addressing skills" is obviously not on the punch card of camp activities. Spencer sounds a few degrees above morosely homesick but still...for the amount of $$$ I am paying for this camp would it hurt the little bugger to even hint that he is having fun??

I checked the agenda and tonight is their camp-out.  Just the boys, their sleeping bags, a campfire and the wide, starry night sky -- no tents, all nature. That should be punishment enough for improper envelope addressing, right?
(Obviously I am NOT a go-camping Mommy!)


Most of you know I work from home.  As I was dialing into to an important conference call, I could hear Bowser rooting around in the dirty clothes basket I had placed at the steps to take down to the laundry room.  The next thing I know, his little snout pushed through the door and he was carrying Spencer's dirty Star Wars T-shirt.  
He brought it to me and laid it in my lap.  I had to hit the mute button on my headset and take a deep breath to keep from tearing up.  
Poor lil' Bowser misses his boy, too.  
For the next few hours, Bowser slept with the T-shirt.  How sweet is that?  He looks really angry in this picture but I had just woken him up with my flash (ooops!)

Sealed With a Lick Cause a Kiss Won't Stick!

In an age like ours, which is not given to letter-writing, we forget what an important part it used to play in people's lives.  ~Anatole Broyard

Spencer is at his first full week away at"Big Boy" camp.  He, along with IV and Jordan, are at Quaker Lake Camp this week. It is a traditional summer camp--filled with activities to help the kids learn, mature, gain confidence, etc.  It will be good for them....hopefully.


I got my first letter from Spencer today.  And it was painfully obvious that correspondence through letter writing is a dying art to my son's generation.  He can text and whip out an email....but check out his first addressed envelope:

All those years of addressing thank you cards for him, I never really taught him to address an envelope by himself. And I guess I have not taught him to spell my new married name either.  That could be rather important, huh? And I know he knows his zip code--but it looks like someone else wrote the zip on here---and it is the wrong one!
As we say here in the south.....oh bless his heart. 


Once I got past the initial shock of how the envelope was addressed, next up was the letter inside.  And I use the term "letter" loosely.

Sigh.  My little man didn't even sign it.  Just drew a picture of a crying and quite swollen looking caricature of what I assume is himself.  I'm not sure if I am more concerned about the sadness or the fluid retention.  I miss him like crazy and it breaks my heart to see the little sad face drawn on this letter...but c'mon...I just had to laugh a little.  I mean, THIS was his first letter home from camp.  And it is PRICELESS!

Well that's just Pawesome.

Bowser kept scratching at his foot the last few weeks.  He is a dog -- they bite, lick and do all kinds of weird/gross stuff, right?  Well, then I noticed he had gnawed a dime-sized circle of hair off.  I guessed he had a skin allergy so I took him to the vet.
The vet looks at my over-sized pup..... Asks if I can second mortgage my house and then for ☑ Shits ☑ Giggles he runs $300 worth of tests to determine poor Bowser has ringworm.  
No big deal-- he just needs some fast actin' Tinactin, right?
WRONG.
He needs Grifulvin V 500 mg  42 pills for $270.99 
He takes 3 pills a day.  That's a 14 day supply.
Oh and a $20 bottle of special shampoo.
And here's an interesting twist-- he has to take the pills WITH FAT for absorption.  So I shove it in a pat of butter, rolled in bacon grease, wrapped in cheese, dipped in lard, covered in scrapple, and then folded into a sausage patty.  

So $600.00 for the medical equivalent of doggie Athlete's foot.
This is freaking ridiculous that we can go to CVS and get something for $6 to kill the same fungus that takes $300 in vet visits and $300 in Rx and $20 in shampoos for dogs.  If there's a walk-a-thon / fundraiser / bake sale / raffle / whatever to raise funding for research on this one you bet your rawhide I'm interested!

Color Blind?

What the hell is this?

Green Means Go.
Red Means Stop.
Don't make a freakin' GREEN Stop sign-- are you nuts? Is that a passive-aggressive yield?!!!?

Less Rock N Roll...More Like Easy Listening

Laura and I had a Girls Night Out last night. In the past, GNO meant wild nights, crazy pictures to be deleted and usually one of us ended up with a new stalker....

But last night's GNO was so mature I bet folks barely recognized us. We started out at Sephora, where we modestly purchased needed items, then continued shopping until hunger pains sent us for a late dinner.  We chose an old tavern near Elon College that Laura used to hang out at years ago...but it had changed to a more family atmosphere and THEY HAD DRAINED THEIR TAPS for vacation. Luckily Malibu Barbie our waitress said they at least had bottled beer, so that and $5.00 worth of hummus appetizer made things right while we swapped husband stories, exotic vacation wish lists and the occasional suggestion of being reincarnated as Bradley Cooper's cargo pants.

I love this picture of Laura showing off our new key ring blood-alcohol breathalizer (just for fun) and we are totally oblivious to the creepy guy in the background.  We were in our own little world with dirrrrrrty mad libs (again...just for fun), and relishing in "damn it feels good just to be out of the house without the kids."
When's our next date night?

And now we wait...

Will and I love Limoncello--and most of our friends love a good freezer shot of Limoncello, too.
It is yummy and such a wonderful summer time drink that often an entire bottle disappears in a matter of minutes.  For example....

For that reason, we decided to make a batch of our own. At about $25 a bottle...it's an expensive treat.

Everyone says it is super simple to make so I decided to give it a shot. (hee hee--pun intended)

$6.00 worth of lemons + $21.00 with of alcohol-- for two bottles-- and it will take about 2 weeks to "set."  Let's hope it is worth it!

It was a pain in the ASSorted joints and muscles in my hands to zest all those lemons. And then I couldn't just throw away those naked lemons-- I had to go ahead and juice 'em, right? That put about 3 cups of freshly squeezed lemon juice in my freezer for God knows what.
And where was my wonderful husband with his big, strong, manly hands during all this time when I could have used his help??? Oh that's right...he was outside playing on his new toy...I mean mower.

I got yer Blue Balls right here...

A little while back I received a package in the mail asking me as a "blogger" if I would use a product and post my review on my blog. Well after I stopped laughing hysterically I told my husband, "Isn't that funny? They think my blog is a typical mom blog about laundry and recipes and cute anecdotes about how wonderful our children are....They have no idea they have just mailed themselves into a world of sarcasm and fart jokes.
And look how easy they made it for me: A canister of blue balls and a label that says, "Squeeze and Sniff!"

So I began my future blog post.  Do you know what I have here:

Did you guess Papa  Smurf's undivided attention??  Didja???!!!

Oh well, about a week ago, I said, "Well, these smell good so I'm going to give them a try." And the damnedest thing happened.  I saw my funny, sarcastic blog review dissolve like a cheap crayon in the dryer.
They. were. awesome. 
There goes all my Blue Ball jokes.  I was very disappointed-- the kind of disappointed my son gets when he expects football on TV and he races to the remote, turns on ESPN and gymnastics is on...or worse...ICE SKATING!  He will double check the guide at least twice because ESPN should NOT be televising anything where balls are covered in lycra instead of kicked, bounced, punted, dribbled or batted!

Back to me and my blue balls..err...Downy UnStopables.  I LOVED THEM. That's an understatement. By day three, I was ADDICTED. They are like little Downy Crack. My sheets were washed 4 days ago, been on the bed for 3 days with a husband who was promoted to first chair on butt trumpet (well I'll be! I did work in a fart comment!) and two pups who think they have a California king sized doggie bed they share with us. BUT...my sheets and bed covers smell just washed fresh.  And you're thinking, "Meh! So what. A dry bounce dryer sheet tucked in the foot of the bed is good enough."  But no-- these smell JUST WASHED FRESH.  Like every time I open the bedroom door I am greeted with the scent of fresh sheets.  That luxurious smell that normally disappears a few hours after you make the bed with freshly laundered sheets.  Every time I open my lingerie drawer, it smells so good I look totally creepy standing there sniffing my own panties.  Every time I get a wash cloth or towel, it smells JUST like I am standing there folding fresh towels straight out of the dryer. You know...on that rare occasion when the towels get folded and don't just sit in the laundry basket on top of the "orphan" socks without matches.

Did I even tell you what it was?  It is a laundry scent booster.  Dissolving scent beads you add in with the clothes at the beginning of the wash.  It's not detergent, it's not fabric softener--calling it a perfume makes it sound like heavy fake scents are attached to your clothes-- it's just laundry smell extender stuff.

So...I don't get to make fun of the blue balls and the "Squeeze and Sniff" label---and, even worse, I'm addicted and doing the rah-rah mom thing on my blog. Geez!

The accompanying literature said there would be sample offers coming soon at VocalPoint --hopefully we can get coupons and find out when it will be hitting stores soon! Because I NEED to find out where I can buy a case...or two...or three... oh my.. did I mention how awesome my sheets smell?

Don't pay the ransom.....

I'm here!

Yes, I know, my blogging has been slack for the last few months--but hold the newlywed jokes.
Bank of America has owned my soul for the past 3 months on a project that has has had more things go wrong than in my entire 19 years with the company combined.  I have been working long hours--nights, weekends, holidays -- and Spencer wants his Mom back, Will wants his wife and even Bowser has brought me his leash on a few occasions as if to say, "Hey...remember this? We USED to go for walks each day. Now get off your fat ass and lets go!"

Hopefully Independence Day marks freedom from that project as well.  It *should* be normal hours from here on out! Just in time to whine and bitch about how it is too hot to do anything outside....

Since I haven't blogged in a while--- here's a quick update.

We celebrated Father's Day and my Birthday a couple of weekends ago:

Boppa got lots of fun gifts. A gift card to a country ham store (his favorite, his cardiologist...not so much) and some very special antique pocket knife letter openers for his collection.

Will got a new hammer. I am resisting making a Thor joke here.
Will also got goodies (Red Velvet Cake Balls) and the TICK on DVD---a very funny series, by the way.

Somehow balanced in with all the work I managed to have a few dinners with the family, take Spencer to see CARS 2 (very cute movie) and I taught crafts every night at Vacation Bible School at our church and had a WONDERFUL time with the kids! We made spin art with marbles, we painted hot rocks by melting crayons and making VBS medallions, we decorated fake guitars and we made rhythm sticks-- VBS ROCKS was a great theme for crafts!  Of course I can't show other peoples' kids on my blog but look at how cute Spencer, IV and Jordan are and how good their crafts turned out:

Our 4th of July was calm -- dinner with parents, rented movies, small house projects, etc.  (by the way--DON'T see Sucker Punch -- Suck is the keyword on that one!) Joe was on vacation with other family and Spencer was off camping with other family. So we had a 3-day, kid-free  weekend to do nothing---just relax. It was perfect!